Armpits – “Can’t Remember Shit”
They say you can’t remember shit as you get older.
But I have a photographic memory when it comes to conversations, sometimes.
If what you say, really means something to me, I will remember it- word for word. And maybe, remember it forever.
And I remember reviewing Armpits before and commenting that they had such a great name! Because it left them wide open for people saying, “The Armpits stink!”
Andy Bang and I have a new band, it’s called The Mouths. We play calypso/power violence music. And as far as we can tell, we are the only band that plays our style of music.
All of our reviews so far say, “The Mouths suck!” But isn’t that what everyone wants from a mouth? Male or female, sedentary or non-sedentary, walrus or amphibian?
But enough of this frivolity-
The Armpits use such tags as metal, punk, crust, d-beat, grindcore, hardcore, power violence.
Why they left out calypso? I don’t really know. Well, actually, I think that was a wise choice.
But this band fits nicely, or not so nicely, with the d-beat, power violence, grindcore crew trying to destroy all we hold holy and patriotic in our American music within our psychopathic, hypocritical nation.
Me, I fit nicely in a straight jacket. Or my new lime, leisure suit. Or my new, gray paisley Nehru jacket, as well.
But enough of this frivolity-
Let’s see how bad these tunes smell, shall we?
After a sound bite of Cheech & Chong’s version of a Knack song changed from “My Sharona” to “My Scrotum,” this song “Can’t Remember Shit” sounds as if you entered the insides of an electric can opener, that is in the process of opening up the top of your skull. After a long, death growl we’re off into a speeding, hardcore beat with lyrics such as, “What am I doing today? What happened yesterday? Why am I running late? I don’t know the fuckin’ date?” I have no answers to any of these questions as I have no answer for them, even for myself. But I do know that this intense, machine gun spew of energy and passion creates one powerful and awesome tune.
“That’s why I manually masturbate animals for artificial insemination,” so goes the sound bite for “Nuke Dookem.” With the industrial sounding beat and clang-y bass guitar and overall raw, abrasiveness- an old favorite band of mine, Big Black, is brought to mind. Of course, the song eventually moves onto a power violence onslaught with lyrics about reptiles from outer space attacking earth. Yep, pretty much your typical Billy Joel song, I’d say.
After a philosophical discussion sound bite of what to apply on big fat cocks, “Sports” shoots out with a hard driving beat with guitars going haywire above it. This song has an awesome, pounding groove that then accelerates into a fast, power violence romp. “Face in the dirt, number one loser. You can’t compete, drown me in booze.” I couldn’t have written a better Hallmark, Holiday Greeting card. An intensely, perfect song.
Starting with a sample of a disco eras’ song, “Disco Inferno,” this song soon evolves into a heavy, distorted, hardcore bash about good friends. “He’s my best friend, you see. And he looks up to me. We cannot separate and instead masturbate.” Well, what are friends for but to lend a helping hand? This song just crashes along like a bulldozer cranked up on meth, plowing down pedestrians and scenery and whatever else gets in its’ way. “I’m just glad I stand up when I pee. Rub one out, burp the worm, jerk off spree!” Oh, my goodness! Prosaic poetry provided to boot! Great song.
Armpits is a funny name for a band and this bands’ lyrics are kind of funny, too.
And what’s funny about this fact is- a lot of bands that play this heavy music are often doom and gloom and drenched with an overly seriousness vibe. They forget that fun can co-exist with serious intent. That you can laugh at the same time you’re being blown away by the powerful, realness of the music.
That’s how I feel listening to Armpits.
I chuckle even as I sense the intensity that looms.
It’s like being told a good joke just before you’re thrust headlong into the depths of hell.
Well, maybe no band is that good!
But this band seems to be having a good time as the car ride, known as life, has caught on fire and it about to fall off an embankment into a ditch.
This is where I stop and get out and wait for the next ride.
But I employ you! Strap yourself in and just close your eyes but keep your ears wide open.
Take a real, wild ride with Armpits. I believe you’ll enjoy the journey. And it will be well worth your time to get to the final destination.
(Slimedog)
