8th Annual Thrash N Bang Xmas Punk Pizza Party
Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain, MA 12/15/19
Every holiday season, Andy and I like to ignore the crass commercialism and focus on what truly Xmas means to us, which is listening to punk rock bands while partying our asses off.
And much like how Jesus did with his loaves of bread, we give out slices of pizza to all the punk music fans. I’m almost positive those loaves of bread from Jesus must of had mozzarella cheese and sauce on them.
Hmm, now I’m sounding like the President.
Slimedog- So I guess this is our 80th Xmas Punk Pizza Party show.
Andy- Wow, has it been that long already? Seems like it was just yesterday when we started this thing.
Slimedog- Oh, I’m sorry, I believe my notes are incorrect. It’s actually our eighth. If it was eighty, we would have had to start this is kindergarten.
Andy- Oh what a relief. I thought maybe I was experiencing a bit of that “old timers” disease.
Slimedog- Yeah, but the good thing about that, if we get it and start saying odd things, people will just think we’re joking around.
Andy- So, you’re kinda saying that we may have it then.
Slimedog- I have my suspicions that we’ve had it since we met in our twenties. Whew, what a relief that we don’t have to worry about getting it now.
Andy- True. It’s a good thing we have a hobby where losing our minds is of no consequence.
Slimedog- Exactly! The perfect cover. Now, a new band, Disco Rice is starting things off and, according to my impeccable notes they’re a cross between Dave Matthews and Phish.
Andy- Cool. I just had a fish sandwich earlier this evening.
Slimedog- Talk about food, your idea of having kale and seaweed instead of pizza doesn’t seem to be going over well.
Andy- Just trying to look after our fan base. Fuck ’em if they want to clog their arteries. Hey these guys sound awesome.
Slimedog- Yes, actually they sound like power violence to me, a really brutal form of hardcore. I feel like if Lemmy was starting out today he would play music like this.
Andy- Yah, that would be cool.
Slimedog- Disco Rice is probably my favorite new band. Next to, of course, the reunion of The Little River Band.
Andy- Stop it! Are you telling me they’re back together? We’ll definitely have to see them.
Slimedog- Yes, isn’t it fabulous? And talk about fabulous, it’s now time for Bob McGunk’s side band, The Hangovers.
Andy- Oh boy, this should be good. Do you think he goes by the name Bob Hangover when he plays with The McGunks?
Slimedog- Can’t verify that but I know I’m usually hungover the next day after seeing them play. Now, my precise notes say this band plays a mixture of doom metal and ska.
Andy- I believe the correct musical term is ska-doom.
Slimedog- I guess that’s what we were playing when we both tried to start a ska band recently. And “Explosive Diarrhea” was a riveting name. But we’re so old that we played the ska music at doom metal speed. Actually, The Hangovers are a mix of thrash metal and rockabilly.
Andy- Ah, thrash-a-billy. That’s quite a toe tapping phenomenon.
Slimedog- Besides being very good, their style is unique. Hmm, the cauliflower and wheat germ smoothies you provided don’t seem to be favored by the folks either.
Andy- Once again, I say fuck ’em if they refuse to aspire to a healthy lifestyle.
Slimedog- Yes, we must set a good example for the young people. Are you ready for another shot of Jager?
Andy- You bet. Who’s up next.
Slimedog- The Ratz. They used to be called The Cats but they got sued by some obscure, Broadway play I’m unfamiliar with. It says here that they play a mix of death metal and gospel.
Andy- Oh you must mean, death-pel. Cool, I can hardly wait.
Slimedog- Damn! What are the odds? I’m wrong again! They describe themselves as old school hardcore but I’d add a mix of early punk and garage, too. They have a Damn Broad and two Lost Riots so you know you’ll get something marvelous.
Andy- What? No gospel. Well that’s a bit disappointing. But old school hardcore is okay too. Wow they really rock.
Slimedog- Yes, they’re one of my favorite bands. And because I can predict the future, I believe my review of their great new EP will be online the same time this item hits the presses. Now, it’s our favorite band from Cape Cod- Fast Times.
Andy- Yes, with our old buddy Nick at the helm.
Slimedog- Btw, I told Lenny to leave the bottle of Jager as we’ll be finishing it anyway. Well, it looks like your homemade sushi is a hit! Though throwing some rice-a-roni on some chopped up raw mackerel ain’t fooling me.
Andy- Shh, don’t give it away. But between the kale, seaweed and sushi, mixed with the alcohol, the Midway might need a new toilet. Fast Times is ripping it up tonight. I think somebody threw some kale at the bass player as he appears to be bleeding.
Slimedog- Yeah, they’re sounding great! I know the bass player used to intentionally split his head open while they played but it seems a friend split his head open during the set. What are friends for? Hey, we’re friends- let’s break beer bottles over each other heads!
Andy- Works for me. Wow, with glass steaming down my face I’ve never felt so close to you.
Slimedog- Likewise, and what’s best about this, is now that we’re drunk and woozy from blood loss- no one will ever guess that we have Alzheimer as well!
Andy- Cool. Who knew that blacking out and vomiting on ones’ own shoes could be so useful? Looks like Neighborhood Shit is about to go down.
Slimedog- Yes, let me wipe the blood of my notes. Says “they’re a delightful mix of country rock and disco.”
Andy- Wait a minute, you can’t fool me. I know they play folk with a tad bit of bluegrass.
Slimedog- We’re both wrong! They play hardcore like Fast Times, but while the former mixes it with melodic punk, The Shitters mix it with metal and grind. Either way both bands sound awesome.
Andy- Oh thank God we’re both wrong. These guys sound amazing. I could be totally fucked up but I think this is the best birthday party I’ve ever had.
Slimedog- Yes, actually I’m not sure but I think it’s the Xmas show. Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag. People thought we reviewed our show to have a website item, but really it was just so we could remember what the fuck happened.
Andy- Why, what happened?
Slimedog- I dunno, let’s put the cat back into the bag and go to the emergency room for stiches.
