Slimedog’s 22nd Birthday Punk Pizza Poetry Party
Kermit’s Finger / Jerry’s Got Jokes / Cry Havoc / The Grommets / Jake Tringali (Jake The Poet)
Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain, MA 6/2/19
This show was the second celebration, or really, third celebration of my 22nd birthday. And though it was, almost, the 44th time I could have celebrated it. I take solace in knowing that punk rock and beer was involved in all three celebrations. Or probably more accurately, in all of them.
And this was one of the best so far- pretty girls, potent bands, great poetry and pizza. How can you go wrong with that?
I guess a lot of folks I’ve known think I took a wrong turn when I veered off the main road into the alley way known as punk.
And sure there have been some perilous curves.
But here I write, relatively unscathed and alive, and enjoying life more than I ever have.
And I hope all or you take that right turn, too!
But now, sit back and relax as Andy Bang and Slimedog get down to what they do best. Making complete fools of themselves but having a fun, funny time, too.
As David Byrne of the Talking Heads once sang, “Same as it ever was.”
Slimedog- So if I’m not mistaken, and I’m rarely wrong, the lineup today is Blue Oyster Cult, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, The Spice Girls and Slayer.
Andy- Wow that sounds awesome. Which one is on first?
Slimedog- BOC, but wait…this doesn’t look like them! More like Sonny and Cher or Captain & Tennille. All I know is it’s a husband/wife led punk trio.
Andy- Maybe it’s Frankie Goes To Hollywood?
Slimedog- No, it’s the band that I sing in! It’s The Grommets and they play authentic sounding punk, quite well I must add.
Andy- Oh yeah. They’re the band named after those little metal things that hold material together.
Slimedog- I think you’re thinking of nipple clamps or, at least I am. I only sing one word in one of their songs, but I do try to practice six hours a day. Usually, at bus stops or walking down city streets, yelling one word over and over. I get the strangest looks!
Andy- What’s the word?
Slimedog- “Old,” surprisingly enough as, according to my notes, this is my 22nd Birthday show.
Andy- Cool. Are you sure its your 22nd birthday? After you hit 100 did you start counting backwards.
Slimedog- My favorite song by them is “Cerveca” which is French for beer. Which is, also my favorite thing in life.
Andy- I didn’t know you were into French beer. I kinda like German beer.
Slimedog- I kinda like any beer that pours down my throat. Up now, is Cry Havoc!, who, according to my notes, is an eighties English pop band whose big hit was “Relax.”
Andy- Oh yah, I know that song. It’s about necrophilia.
Slimedog- How so?
Andy- Well, I believe it states that one should relax instead of shagging a dead person.
Slimedog- Hmm, I feel one should love their living loved ones along with their dead companions, equally, as if not as much graphically. As long as it’s not that horrid band from San Francisco.
Andy- Dare, I ask, what horrid band?
Slimedog- The Grateful Dead, who thankfully, are deceased. But Cry Havoc! is actually one of TNB’s favorite bands, a great hardcore band from Connecticut.
Andy- Yes they really rock. Even though I liked them better when their vocalist used to smash his head open with the mic.
Slimedog- Granted, but perhaps he’d be so brain damaged by now that he would end up doing dual text reviews for TNB? Hey, did you notice some guy getting onstage between bands and talking into the mic?
Andy- You have a good point. If he had continued to hit his head with the mic, we might be out of a job. I guess I’m glad he stopped. I forgot my glasses so I didn’t notice anyone on stage between the bands. But I did hear some exotic poetry coming from the bathroom next to the stage in between flushes, I believe.
Slimedog- Oh, now I recognize him. That’s Jake The Poet, he did such a great job at the Xmas party that I invited him to recite again. He has wonderful poems and performs them splendidly.
Andy- Ah, he’s very good.
Slimedog- Now it’s time for Jerry’s Got Jokes- an all girl British pop band from the nineties.
Andy- Don’t you mean The Spice Girls?
Slimedog- Yeah, they cancelled at the last minute but Jerry’s Got Jokes, is instead, a wild, fun ska/alternative/punk band who wrote a song that I believe is about me called “Asshole.”
Andy- Is it about you or your asshole?
Slimedog- Good question! Well, both kinda stink so you can take it either way. They were embarrassed to play it but I requested it and even sang along.
Andy- Cool, it’s amazing how you can sing through your asshole. Quite the pucker as well.
Slimedog- Well, since most of what I spout is bullshit it comes pretty easy. Now, it’s time for one of the most influential metal bands of all time, the inventors of thrash metal- Slayer!
Andy- And one of my favorite bands of all time.
Slimedog- Wait, they cancelled as well. Though, it is the great Kermit’s Finger. Did you know it’s there 20th year as a band?
Andy- Wow, if his Kermit’s finger is 20 years old, I wonder how old his dick is?
Slimedog- Interesting philosophical question you pose. It’s surprising to hear that I was only two years old when they formed as I look, considerably older than them. They have a quirky, style influenced by early hardcore with a lot of twists and turns. And talk about quirky turns- I’m dancing with Kimi Hendrix!
Andy- A very enjoyable band to be sure. I didn’t know that Jimi had a daughter?
Slimedog- Yes, and she looks exactly like him! And plays guitar nearly as well! Though most of the bands I hired did not show up, I think it was a scrotumly good birthday!
Andy- I agree. My scrotum enjoyed it immensely.
