Acaro / Razormaze / Untombed / Give Zombies the Vote
Great Scott’s, Allston, MA 11/18/2012
The following is a dual texting review of a recent metal show we witnessed. During the review, I assisted Dr. Bang in performing brain surgery on himself that without his careful instructions the (relative) success of this operation would not have been possible. Hopefully, this review will be an inspiration for you all to start practicing brain surgery on each other (practice makes perfect), because assuming you’re a punker or a metal headbanger or both, it’s obvious you’re in need of some. So sit back, pet the dog, put another log in the fireplace, and let the actions unfold in your mind like a kaleidoscope of dreams.
Slimedog- Well, today you’re correcting your brain aneurysm.
Andy Bang- Yes, after an MRI, they found a golf ball lodged in my left hemisphere. Apparently, I was struck while bending over. It entered my butt and worked its way up to my brain. I never knew what hit me.
Slimedog- This must be another part of your brain aneurysm. You don’t remember, but it was originally caused by that horrible band at Radio.
Andy Bang- You’ll have to be my hands as I can’t operate on myself.
Slimedog- No problem, I read the book “How To Do Brain Surgery For Dummies.”
Andy Bang- Cool, just grab that hacksaw on the table and follow the dotted line. I’m already numb from the neck up.
Slimedog- I’m kind of drunk myself. It’s amazing how simple the human brain is. But I guess if you follow politics, you’re not surprised. It’s so simple I’m bored, let’s do a review.
Andy Bang- Cool, now that my brain matter is exposed I’ll need you to start searching for the golf ball. Let’s do a review of that awesome metal show we just saw.
Slimedog- Great, but first I need more Jagermeister. And let’s put on some music, I think some Bad Brains is appropriate. First band up was Give Zombies The Vote.
Andy Bang- Nice. Yes, I remember, I thought they were very good. They really rocked out.
Slimedog- They call themselves melodic death metal but I think that sounds too wimpy a description for them.
Andy Bang- I agree. Hey, can you move your finger? I just reflexively stuck my left thumb up my ass.
Slimedog- Oh, sorry I was distracted by the TV. Anyways, I thought they were very enjoyable, them being dead and all.
Andy Bang- I believe the next band was Untombed (not to be confused with Entombed).
Slimedog- Yes, I confused them earlier today. This brain surgery stuff is boring. Do you mind if I rollerblade while doing it?
Andy Bang- No, go ahead. Looks like you’ve removed quite a bit of brain matter. I hope you remember how to put it back.
Slimedog- They say we only use a small percent of the mind so it shouldn’t matter. Anyways, you can always go into politics. I didn’t get Untombed having two singers.
Andy Bang- Yeah, a bit odd alright. They’re very gloomy and doomy.
Slimedog- The doctor next door challenged me to an air hockey game. I think I can do that as well. Razormaze, next, were not gloomy.
Andy Bang- Ouch, my right eye just went dead.
Slimedog- Nurse! Give him more Jager! (the nurse gives Andy Bang a shot of Jagermeister)
Andy Bang- No, Razormaze are quite happy. They recently lost their lead guitarist Dave, but the new dude seems very competent. Speaking of which, I think you need to focus.
Slimedog- That band with the two singers, I usually don’t see that until near the end of the night.
Andy Bang- True, I’m seeing triple out of my one good eye. Can you see the golf ball yet?
Slimedog- Oh, sorry, I was just chatting on-line with my friend Arial from Australia. I see two golf balls and two brains. I think Razormaze are more streamlined now and they sounded better.
Andy Bang- What were you chatting about?
Slimedog- Coincidentally, she was performing brain surgery as well, but it’s on her cat. Now, I see three golf balls! Too much Jager!
Andy Bang- Yes, Razormaze were very good. Try to remove only one of the golf balls. Oh, Oh, I just got a massive woody. What are you doing in there? You’d better hurry before something really bad happens.
Slimedog- Are you watching the porno on the VCR? Speaking of which, Acaro were obscenely good.
Andy Bang- They were their usual exciting self.
Slimedog- After the show they left for a five week tour across the United States. Do you remember who they were touring with?
Andy Bang- With Killswitch Engage and Shadows Fall. Hopefully, they’ll have a great time. Porno on the VCR? Oh, I thought I was having visions. What a relief.
Slimedog- You know, I can’t concentrate here. Let’s continue your minor surgery at Thrash N Bang’s first show at the Midway.
Andy Bang- Oh, you’d better close then. I feel a bit light headed without all that brain matter you pulled out.
Slimedog- Just want to say how glad we are for Acaro and we can’t think of any local metal band that is more deserving. There you go, I closed up.
Andy Bang- Awesome, let’s go. I still have a woody though. Perhaps I can put it to good use …
