On The Job / For The Worse / Offensive Weapon / Taxi Driver / Usual Suspects
Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain, MA 10/6/2012
The following is a dual texting review of a recent sold out show at the Midway put on by the charming and talented T’N’A Productions (Tim and Alisia Collett). It was their first show at the Midway and it was a great success and we hope they continue putting on shows there. The afternoon show preceding this one, put on by the uncharming and untalented Jay Genoa, sold out as well.
As many of you know, besides being TNB’s webmaster, Andy Bang is also a brain surgeon. What many of you may also know is that I was in desperate need of brain surgery. This is quite evident by my oft times absurd writings in TNB and on Facebook. We both agreed that we must curtail any future ramblings and get back on track. The wise solution for this was to remove the small particle in my head, which was my brain, and instead install a full service Jagermeister dispenser (you may have seen these in bars) inside my cranium.
We also decided that during the second part of this procedure to conduct a dual texting review as the whole operation was simple and, though not allowed to talk, I was allowed to text. Dr. Bang specializes in discount surgery just so you know and does except coupons from Denny’s; so if anyone is in need, and from my judgment- most of you are, please do set up an appointment. I usually warn people at this point about the dangers of dual texting but I think in this case I’d say, “Go for it!” – if we can do it anybody can.
Dr. Bang- It’s a good thing I was able to squeeze you in as I have a very busy schedule.
Slimedog- It is amazing that I don’t need anesthesia for this operation but as you pointed out I’m numb from the neck up.
Dr. Bang- Now, as I recall we are doing surgery to install a Jagermeister dispenser in your brain, correct?
Slimedog- Yes, are you sure it’s all Jager? I’d hate to have something like Goldschlager installed.
Dr. Bang- Yes, all Jager, all the time.
Slimedog- Great, I think so much more clearly with Jagermeister in my system.
Dr. Bang- Perhaps we should discuss a recent show to pass the time.
Slimedog- Let’s do that sold out show at the Midway, the second one of the day there.
Dr. Bang- Cool, that was a very interesting show as I recall. Now, hold still while we open up your cranium. Most patients who have received this surgery have gone on to do amazing things; they just can’t remember what they are.
Slimedog- That sounds great. The first band was Usual Suspects.
Dr. Bang- Yes, I remember. I was getting a free enema in the mens room just as they hit the stage.
Slimedog- Well, I hope things came out right in the end. The band’s style is more traditional punk than hardcore. They gave me a CD I’ll be reviewing and it’s really great.
Dr. Bang- Yes, I felt very cleansed. I thought Usual Suspects had a nice edgy feel.
Slimedog- More penguins envelope cheese?
Dr. Bang- Oops, sorry, crossed a couple of wires. Just a sec. Okay, how’s that?
Slimedog- Taxi Driver was next; to me they’re a great representation of a Boston hardcore band. I can’t imagine them being from anywhere else.
Dr. Bang- Yah, they were awesome, lots of energy. BTW, the first step of the operation is complete. Do you feel any difference?
Slimedog- Well, you said to prepare properly for the operation, so I was drinking at the Midway before this so I guess I feel the same.
Dr. Bang- Well, that’s good. Many patients complain of an itchy butt at this point. My nurse has super long fingernails just for this reason, if you require a good scratch. So who was up next?
Slimedog- Just have to add it was Taxi Driver’s CD release party and lots of people came and they sounded great. Offensive Weapon was next.
Dr. Bang- Oh, yes, I remember- that’s when I got a case of really bad runs and had to run around the parking lot for half an hour. Not sure I saw any of Offensive Weapon.
Slimedog- They were unique in that they did hardcore but with a moderate rock tempo. I didn’t really dig them, but then For The Worse played.
Dr. Bang- And For The Worse were amazingly fantastic. I remember they got things rolling with a chair flying across the room.
Slimedog- Airplane tuxedo sneeze trap.
Dr. Bang- Oops, sorry again. Nurse, pull that dildo out of his head. But back to FTW….They were very exciting weren’t they?
Slimedog- First time for both of us hearing them and I’d have to say they may be one of the best bands around- great intense hardcore, great crazy front man, excellent drummer.
Dr. Bang- I know huh, very good. But what was up with all the weenie wankin’. I think the singer spent most of the set with his pants around his ankles. BTW we are in the final stages of the operation.
Slimedog- Good, we’re toward the end of the show, also. The last band on was On The Job, a Swedish hardcore band.
Dr. Bang- Speaking of Swedish, I mean German you should be able to taste the Jager about now.
Slimedog- Iggy Pop sang, “I wish life could be Swedish magazines.” Well, I don’t know if I taste it but I can feel it doctor. On The Job kind of sang with British accents. They were good but I liked three of the other bands better.
Dr. Bang- I know what you mean. Well, we’re done. The nurse will be closing you up now. Take it easy for the next couple of days.
Slimedog- This is great, my primary care doctor said I should give up drinking and now I can since it’s already in my blood stream. There’s no need to drink!
Dr. Bang- You can now dispense Jager into your system at will, just by thinking about it. So be very careful what you wish for. One side effect I should mention …. you can now piss Jager as well, so guess what … the shots are on you! … or I should say, from you!
Slimedog- My uncle’s shoelace has daffodils.
Dr. Bang- Huh? Nurse where’s that dildo? You didn’t leave it in Slimedog’s head, did you …
