The Enemy Within / Mouth On Tailpipe / Abject! / Gator King
Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain MA 1/19/2013
A dual text live review by Jimmy Thrash and Andy Bang (forward by Slimedog)
Recently, Andy and I were scheduled to do a dual texting review during a live show but I had to have emergency surgery that could not be completed even in the clean and sterile environment of the Midway. Taking my place and doing a more than capable job considering his limited mental faculties and airplane glue sniffing addiction was Jimmy Thrash, a rare contributor to our website.
While what follows may look harmless enough we must again stress- DO NOT TRY THIS ON YOUR OWN. Texting during a show can be potentially harmful. So unless you’re driving a car or a train or operating an airplane we would suggest you refrain from texting.
So sit back, relax, close your eyes- let your feelings wash over you like a waterfall of emotions cascading down a mountaintop, lush with tropic greenery, and experience the wonderful, new, exciting world of dual texting.
Jimmy Thrash- Hey dude, what’s up? I just got done laying down a few tracks with my mates, you know, The Scrumptious Scrotums. Can’t wait to check out this great lineup of heavy bands.
Andy Bang- Yes, it’s unfortunate that Slimedog had to have an emergency rectum transplant and I must make do with the likes of you.
Jimmy- Aw, c’mon dude, I’ll be good. The doctor’s think they got my medication right this time. BTW whose asshole is Slimedog getting’?
Andy- I dunno. It must be someone in politics ’cause he said it was one of the biggest assholes around. What do you think of these Gator King?
Jimmy- Speaking of butt-holes, I heard a lot of restaurants use pig assholes as a substitute for calamari. The Gator Kings are really rockin’ the shit out. Kind of a groovy hardcore thing.
Andy- I agree, kind of a Rage Against The Machine funky angst thing going on. The next band up is Abject! from New York. Woah! What do you think of these guys?
Jimmy- They really got it goin’ on. Sorry dude but I gotta go slam to these guys. I’ll be right back….
Andy- I think Abject!, is one of the best hardcore bands I’ve ever seen. They really bring the New York hardcore, big time.
Jimmy- Ok, I’m back. Smashed into one dude so hard we traded spit. Great friggin’ band. Who’s next?
Andy- Mouth On Tailpipe but I’m starvin’ like Marvin, let’s go next door for pizza.
Jimmy- Ok, but hang on for a sec, just want to hear the first note ….WTF, I think my ears are bleeding, Let’s go…
Andy- Yeah, too loud, you’ll still be able to hear them pretty easy next door. Very slow, sounds like gigantic slabs of concrete dropped slowly down an air shaft.
Jimmy- Yeah, what’s up with that? I like slow shit sometimes but this stuff is makin’ my false teeth chatter.
Andy- Hey, there’s the big singer for Abject!. He’s like a white Vince Wilfork.
Jimmy- Yeah, he’s definitely a large human and a really good front man.
Andy- He said if we don’t give them a good review he will personally, lift me up in the air and pull my legs and arms off, one by one.
Jimmy- Good thing they didn’t suck.
Andy- Yeah, keep saying that because I think he’s kidding but I’m not really sure. Scarf down that pizza and let’s catch the main attraction. My head hurts. I still have that pesky Narragansett can lodged in my head.
Jimmy- Ok, dude right behind you. Guess it’s better to have the can lodged in your head than elsewhere. Speaking of which, I wonder how Slimedog’s asshole is doin”.
Andy- Eh, they may change his asshole but they can’t change him from being one. Wow, check out The Enemy Within! This is the best I’ve eard them.
Jimmy- Yeah, they’re really rockin’. Dude, what’s that dog doin’ in the bar?
Andy- Oh, that’s Rocky. He brings his human friend here so they can both drink Guinness.
Jimmy- Nice, does he mosh, too? I think I’ll go slam him and see.
Andy- Good luck. Hey, the singer, Joe, just gave a shout out to Thrash N Bang. He said his dad read the interview with them and was impressed that his band mates decided he was the one most likely to become a serial killer.
Jimmy- Everybody needs a hobby. OK, I’m goin’ in….
(At this point the crowd descends upon Jimmy for leaping on a poor defenseless dog drinking Guinness and pummels him to the floor)
Be sure to check out these fine bands and also The Scrumptious Scrotums and Slimedog’s new ambient techno band The Rectifying Rectums.
