The FU’s / M-13 / Bad Lieutenants / By The Throat
Gemstones Lowell, MA 11/11
Tonight, Andy, Jimmy Thrash and I are heading to Lowell, Mass- One of the three Evil L’s; namely Lynn, Lawrence and Lowell. These are suburban towns that are seedy enough that they could be moved into an urban city and feel right at home and maybe even scare some of the inner city towns away. And the club we’re hitting is called Gemstones. When we arrive we notice it’s a bit spacious and more old looking than dive-y. And actually downstairs is called “Blue Diamond” and upstairs leads to Gemstones where the bands will be playing tonight. We head up there and sit at the bar where we notice little placards laying across it. The bartenderess explains to us it’s about their New Years Eve show and that strippers are performing at it. We look around and notice a booth called “The Diamond Room” and realize it’s normally the lap dance area. We also notice the huge barred cages on either side of the stage. I have never seen anything like that in a strip club and only know of it from 60’s TV pop shows like Shindig or Hullabaloo where “Go Go Girls” in white “Go Go Boots” danced in mini-skirts to the hits of the day. Of course, I’m too young to have witnessed this and only know of it through youtube. So it would appear the strip club might be changing into a punk rock club in a move to gain some respectability. A terrible misconception, indeed.
My companions learn they have 24 ounce PBR’s here and being a light drinker, myself, I order the 72 ounce can of PBR (six pack) which cuts down on the endless ordering and reordering; though I must admit a two and a half foot can is hard to lift. I sit and enjoy these with my triple Jagermeisters. We are joined by Brian from Bad Lieutenants and founder of the wildly successful Teenage Heart records. We discuss French Symbolism with him and its affect on modern architecture.
Up first is By The Throat who play hardcore and are influenced by bands like Black Flag, Bad Brains, Minor Threat and Toto. They bring a traditional hardcore style updated for the 21st century and play a lot of songs from their great new release reviewed (here). Unfortunately, their fine performance is disrupted by some escaped rabid giraffes from a local zoo who invade the dance floor. Fortunately, some zoo attendants arrive, armed with tranquilizer rifles and the human fatality rate is surprisingly low. Though, I am hit with one of the darts, it is merely a flesh wound and I do get to experience the effect of animal tranquilizer with 72 ounce PBR’s and Jagermeisters. I must admit the events, after this, are a bit hazy
Next on the musical program are Bad Lieutenants who provide rock ’em sock ’em punk drunk mayhem. They do my favorites like “Jesus On The Phone” and “Fuckers”- “I’ve been living with the fuckers of the world/ And they like me a whole fuckin’ lot.”Check out their last cd review (here). A highlight for me is when Javiar, the guitarist, performs lap dances for appreciative ladies in The Diamond Room. They sound great tonight and this fine performance is only marred by Jimmy Thrash, who somehow, has set his hair on fire and is now running backward through the crowd screaming, “I Am Michael Bolton’s Uterus!” Jimmy is saved by Andy Bang’s alert use of a fire extinguisher, unfortunately, I am in a direct line from some freon emitting from the extinguisher that goes up my nostrils and afterward I’m feeling a bit lightheaded.
The M-13 are next and though I’ve seen them play once before and was impressed I was not prepared for how great they play tonight. They play hardcore with a precision and power that can’t be matched. Andy and I, and even Jimmy, are more than impressed. It’s hard to imagine a band this good is playing in this small club and not on some big stage somewhere. Definitely one of the best bands on our site.
Last on this evenings schedule are The F.U.’s whose name, I believe, comes from the Christian organization “Families United.” They put on their usual amazing show. The F.U.’s are one of Boston’s original hardcore bands and have been reviewed in Thrash N Bang forty-seven times. Tonight they lead off with “Young Fast Iranians,” which causes me to leap from my seat to the front of the stage. Unbeknownst to me, though, a group of senior citizens have been mistakenly left off at the club. And though they were expecting a Bingo Night have gleefully joined the festivities and are doing line dances, namely the Macarana, as the band plays. I, inadvertently, jostle one of the elderly line dancers which causes her to pepper spray me. Fortunately, several of the sympathetic senior citizens offer me pain relief pills that one kind old soul explains, “Is the reason we’re such good drivers.”
Well, it’s another end to an evening of fine music during a rather uneventful night. We leave Jimmy Thrash behind to interview the M-13 (here) though we do happen to notice he has somehow set his hair on fire again in a vulgar display of antisocial behavior. We also perceive that a Swat Team’s helicopter has landed on the roof of the building as it seems militant vegans have captured chefs from local steakhouses and are threatening to eat them in a building across the way. Seems the giraffes have escaped again, also, and the senior citizens are now manning them, riding them down the street to their rest homes. As we dodge the oncoming bullets and as I recover from my 72 ounce PBR’s. Triple Jagers, animal tranquilizer darts, fire extinguisher freon,pepper spray and pain medication pills, I can only say- What great musical performances and if only they had hired some strippers to make it more exciting then the night would’ve been perfect.
(Jim Slimedog)
