Thrash N’ Bang Xmas Party
Led To The Grave / The Pity Whores / Fast Times / Tom Buttlar / Jamie Payette
plus pizza, ice sculptures and water-boarding
Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain, MA 12/22/12
As devout devil worshipers, Andy and I certainly had misgivings on having a TNB Xmas Party but in fact, it turned out to be the best one we’ve ever had (only marred by some ugly water-boarding incidents). As some have pointed out, it was our only Xmas party but why quibble? As Christmas is a truly spiritual celebration and since our country worships money, above all else, why not have a celebration that mainly revolves around wholesale shopping chains.
The following is a dual texting live review conducted in a controlled scientific setting at the Midway laboratories. In no way do we suggest you attempt these highly dangerous and possibly contagious activities in your home or workplace. All bands, in fact, had to be quarantined immediately, after the show.
So sit back and relax, let your worries drift away like starfish under the rolling waves and let the sunset melt into your mind as another dual texting live review enfolds before your very eyes.
Slimedog- Well, it’s quite festive here at our Xmas show.
Andy Bang- Yes, it’s all very exciting. Can’t wait for the free food, free ice sculptures and free sex.
Slimedog- I don’t think the third one was promised. And some of the ice sculptures melting has caused people to slip.
Andy- Oh, that’s right- we couldn’t afford the free sex this year. Maybe next year.
Slimedog- Here comes the pizza and Lindsey just started her water-boarding demonstration though I don’t see the correlation between torture and Xmas.
Andy- Yah, pizza- who are you water-boarding?
Slimedog- I’m not, Lindsey is- Lindsey is the most vicious person I know and I know tons of vicious people.
Andy- Oh, no! Who is she torturing?
Slimedog- Well, she just tried to grab Jamie Payette, former bassist for the late great Refuse Resist, but he was too small for her to grasp and he’s made it to the stage.
Andy- Well thank goodness for that. Speaking of Jamie, he’s doing an awesome acoustic set.
Slimedog- Yeah, I never heard him sing before, he’s doing “Clampdown” by The Clash.
Andy- Joe Strummer would certainly be proud. Oh, No! Lindsey is charging the stage wielding a pointy ice sculpture! Quick somebody tackle her.
Slimedog- Oh, good- she slipped on some pizza. Jamie has a very good voice. It’s the tenth anniversary of Joe Strummer’s death so he’s doing some songs by him which I hear Tom Buttlar up next is going to do as well.
Andy- Oh, good- with that can lodged in my brain I forget easily. Hearing the songs twice is just what I need.
Slimedog- Tom is the guitarist for Red Line Rebels and he’s doing an acoustic set like Jamie.
Andy- Yes, looks like he just started and he’s doing a great job.
Slimedog- Some Clash tunes, too. If Billy Zoom (from X) did a solo set it would be much like this. Now Fast Times is taking the stage.
Andy- I agree, but of course Billy would be smiling more. How about Fast Times? They are definitely a very exciting and fun band. I always enjoy seeing them.
Slimedog- This is the best I’ve seen them, they do great hardcore. I was dismayed to learn from Nick, their singer, that a song by them is not called “Taco Time” but instead “Taco Night.” And since I only have tacos for lunch I can’t sing this anymore when I eat. I am very upset about this and I will get revenge on Nick if it’s the last thing I do.
Andy- I know how you feel, but it’s probably better to have a whole night of tacos versus just a time. Maybe Lindsey can water-board him for you.
Slimedog- Excellent idea. The next band usually has women fainting, grown men weeping and farm animals scurrying away. Can you guess who it will be?
Andy- The cat’s out of the bag, just saw The Pity Whores bass player draper over the guitar players shoulder again, of course with his pants around his ankles as usual.
Slimedog- As I’ve said before, an ass using his ass to make an ass out of himself. They are the most despicable band I know but I must admit they are the best straight edge band on our site.
Andy- Also it’s hard to beat their really great live shows.
Slimedog- True, high energy punk/pop/hardcore songs. Oh, look- a surprise set by Led To The Grave. They look a bit woozy from all the pizza and water-boarding.
Andy- Yah, most people don’t like water-boarding but Led To The Grave enjoys it. They’re a tough group of guys that play in your face awesome death thrash. And it looks like Nick from Fast Times is gonna work out fine on guitar.
Slimedog- Yeah, I forgive him for joining such a great band. They are the best metal band here today.
But seriously, when we see them play a metal show they always are the best.
Andy- True. Oh, oh- Lindsey just got her hands on another ice sculpture and is heading your way.
Slimedog- I say we make a break for it while we still can.
Andy- Let’s go quick. See you at the next show!
