ACARO / The Empire Shall Fall / Swarm Of Eyes / Conforza / Give Zombies The Vote
Church, Boston, MA 2/2/13
The Church is a place in the Fenway that not only is a bar and restaurant but holds religious services regularly. They have music shows, too, and we were lucky enough to see what was probably the Metal Show Of The Year. I know, I know, it’s only February, I’m sure they’ll be some more good ones to come. And as it was my favorite holiday of the year, Groudhog Day, I was dressed resplendently in my full Groudhog costume and Andy, for this occasion, was dressed as the pope.
Speaking of metal we have a Midway Metal Matinee this Saturday, February 16th at 4pm and if it goes well we want to continue having them monthly; so come down and support and if you’re a metal band interested in playing the Midway contact us on facebook.
The following is a dual texting review engineered by Andy Bang and Slimedog. As usual I must put the disclaimer that this was performed by highly trained professionals and should not be attempted by anyone not certified, certified crazy that is.
So put your feet up, your head back, your scrotum in a Northwesterly direction, put your left foot in and then shake it all about, hold onto your seats and get set to be amazed, astonished and fiendishly delighted with the modern twenty-first century technology known as dual texting.
Slimedog- Thousands of people have been writing in, asking why we text instead of talking at a show. The reason is I’m deaf from playing in bands my whole life. Luckily, I can tell exactly what the song sounds like by watching how the musicians move their hands on the neck of their guitars.
Andy- Really, I thought it was because we needed to do something with our hands and masturbating in public was a bit risky.
Slimedog- That too, of course. And it’s a very stimulating metal show inside this church tonight.
Andy- Yes, that it is. Too bad we missed the first band, The River Neva, but there’s still some very cool bands left.
Slimedog- Agreed, church is where priests do unholy things with boys weenies so I’d be careful if anyone asks you to genuflect.
Andy- True, let’s try to keep our backs to the wall at all times. In fact I think we should refrain from going to the men’s room and pee in our beer bottles instead.
Slimedog- I do that anyway, you spend way less money on beer. Drinking Narragansett, like I do, it’s about the same. (There goes another sponsor) Give Zombies The Vote is up and it’s our second time seeing them.
Andy- Yes and I think they’re just as awesome as the first time we saw them.
Slimedog- These Zombies make me come alive. Straight ahead thrash with death vocals.
Andy- And great guitar as well. Now, Conforza is taking the stage.
Slimedog- They’re playing koo-koo experimental metal with a large, very good front man.
Andy- Yes, the vocals are cool but i’m having technical difficulties wrapping my brain around the rest of the band. Maybe it’s the can that’s still lodged in my head.
Slimedog- No, I agree, too. I like the singer. I try to say nice things about people who could easily twist my limbs off.
Andy- Ok, moving along- Swarm of Eyes hit the stage next.
Slimedog- They’re doing a Misfits cover, right?
Andy- Yah, I think it’s “I Want Your Skull” and Chris the singer from Acaro is up there with them.
Slimedog- Now, they’re doing “Blitzkreig Bop” by the Ramones, thrash style not punk. With Chris and also Duncan from Bring The Knife.
Andy- Yah, what a great set. I think this is the best I’ve seen them play so far.
Slimedog- They’re always great and their own songs are wonderful, too. I was headbangin’ so much I think I have whiplash.
Andy- Speaking of headbanging, I need to pee- Do you have an empty bottle on you?
Slimedog- No, I just filled mine up- ask the altar boy over there with the chalice. Now it’s The Empire Shall Fall; it says they play progressive metal hardcore.
Andy- Their sound is very tight and polished. Definitely on the progressive side.
Slimedog- Yeah, I’m not hearing any hardcore. I’ve decided I like regressive music not progressive music. Hey, it’s Acaro time!
Andy- That’s right. They’re fresh off a very successful tour with Kilswitch.
Slimedog- They’re sounding better all the time. They can be fancy but always stay in the groove.
Andy- I agree. They definitely are firing on all cylinders. Felipe makes his guitar sing.
Slimedog- He’s my favorite local metal guitarist and I know the drummer is your favorite metal one, but they’re all terrific. Pretty good show, don’t you think metal expert?
Andy- Awesome show, Randy (singer for Swarm Of Eyes) did a great job pulling the bands together. It’s too bad the Church doesn’t offer more shows like this.
Slimedog- Yes, I guess it’s mostly psalms here. I’m gonna stick around, there’s a nun I confessed my sins to earlier and she says she needs to punish me severely.
Andy- Suit yourself. I think I’m gonna take off before the pope shows up looking for his clothes.
