Thrash N Bang Presents:
The Usual Suspects / The Pity Whores / Fast Times / The Doll Eyes
Midway Café, Jamaica Plain. MA 11/22/2012
A dual texting review by Andy Bang and Slimedog.
Thrash N Bang is proud to now be involved in helping out putting on some matinee shows at the Midway and this was our first show. And never one to shirk from multi-tasking, we also conducted some minor elective surgery while enjoying the show. It was brain surgery, removing a golf ball from Andy Bang’s head, and we want to thank the Midway for allowing us to do this. And just to make it more interesting we did a text review at the same time.
The surgery went quite well, as you will see, and though Dr. Bang has had eight years of college and years of experience, Slimedog had to make do with a video on youtube. So sit back and let your senses reach the utmost regions of the galaxy as you experience the phenomenon known as dual texting.
Slimedog- Well, it’s very exciting our first Thrash N Bang show. In unexciting news we’re doing brain surgery again.
Andy Bang- It will be great to get that golf ball out of my head. Every time I take a step it rattles around and causes involuntary strange muscle flexing.
Slimedog- Probably the first time that brain surgery has been performed at the Midway. I think I know what I’m doing now; that last book was “Tree Surgery For Dummies” not “Brain Surgery For Dummies”. I’m so glad I didn’t saw your arm off like the last book told me.
Andy- Let’s get on with it then, while the Doll Eyes take the stage.
Slimedog- Its great seeing them again, but I do miss Phil (Phil McCafferty vocals/guitar left to go solo). He was the steadying force for them. Of course, this was when he wasn’t about to topple over.
Andy- Here take this knife and cut along the dotted line. Yah, I know what you mean, not quite the same without Phil. Hey, now that the top of my head is removed can you see anything?
Slimedog- Just looks like spaghetti to me. They just led off with, “Walden Pond,” my favorite song by them. They do hard hitting traditional punk with a side order of street punk tossed in.
Andy- I’m having trouble hearing them, I think my ears just fell off.
Slimedog- No worries. Hey, T N’ A are here! (promoters Tim and Alisia Collet) I’m gonna get a ‘Gansette.
Andy- Nice, can you grab me a Coors light? What the fuck! I just got another involuntary woody.
Slimedog- Btw, Jill the bartender says we have to clean up the blood before we leave today and the soundman T.J.says you’re not allowed to mosh with the top of your head removed.
Andy- Fair enough, but if we don’t like the bands can we still throw brain matter at them?
Slimedog- Sure, everyone else does. But these are great bands today like Fast Times who just started. How would you describe them?
Andy- Fast Times is my new favorite band. Lots of awesome energy with a straight ahead crankin’ vibe. Hey, what smells so bad?
Slimedog- They’re really good hardcore. Their best song is “Taco Time.” I like beer, punk rock and Mexican food and very little else. What do you smell?
Andy- Smells like burning scrotum.
Slimedog- Oh, that’s just the Pity Whores getting ready to play. When they come around it’s best to lock up your daughters, farm animals and decorative pottery away.
Andy- Or maybe someone left the tacos in the oven too long.
Slimedog- Or someone left the cake out in the rain. I see a meatball amongst the spaghetti here; I think it’s the golf ball.
Andy- Oh, I know what it was. The bass dude from the Pity Whores is running around with his pants off again.
Slimedog- Yes, an ass using his ass to be an ass, once again. I must admit, though, these guys do a great mix of traditional punk, pop/punk and hardcore.
Andy- Cool, see if you can pluck out the golf ball.
Slimedog- There it’s out! The Pity Whores did a great job and filled in with a days’ notice.
Andy- Cool, now I can see those wild and crazy Pity Whores playing. Is it me or do they sound like Richard Harris?
Slimedog- No, but we can say they do as no one but us will know who the fuck were talking about. To me they sound more like Donna Summer fronting Kiss.
Andy- Wow! My ears are back and I think a huge wad of wax just shot out of both of them. The Pity Whores are such a great live band.
Slimedog- While you figure that out the Usual Suspects are about to take the stage.
Andy- Hmm, looking at the trail not sure that was wax. Now that I can finally hear without that stupid golf ball rattling around, I can sit back and enjoy the Usual Suspects.
Slimedog- Their lyrics have a lot of social critique and the music is a slower traditional sounding punk.
Andy- I don’t remember much about the last time I saw them, but I’m really diggin’ them today. The lead dude is a great front man,
Slimedog- Joseph has a real menacing stage presence. I like them a lot. Well, I just finished sewing up. I hope you have the success with your brain surgery that I have had. I used to say the craziest things!
Andy- Only time will tell, but so far I don’t feel crazy. Hey! Something seems to be sloshing around in my head. What did you do?
Slimedog- Wait a minute did Jill take my beer away? She said she didn’t. I have some unsettling news for you. It would appear I sewed up my Narragansett inside your head.
Andy- Funny enough I think I just heard my brain burp, might be okay.
Slimedog- Perhaps you will pass it in your stools. Just remember the five cent deposit.
Andy- Might need a proctologist or maybe even an ass-tronaut.
Slimedog- I guess we’ll have to do more brain surgery, probably at the next show.
